Priorities, a Hobby, a Wish and a Dream

It’s almost that time again: time to sign up for classes for next semester! My registration date is coming up in a couple of weeks so, dedicated and responsible student that I try to be, I was looking up the available classes ahead of time so that I can plan out my schedule for fall semester.

But I have a confession that would upset my parents: I looked up what time ballet was going to be offered first! It wasn’t until after I saw what times ballet was going to be offered (which, by the way, both times it is offered it is at a horribly inconvenient time) that I checked what times the other classes I have to take will be offered. You know, the classes for my major that I actually hope to graduate in and start a career in one day. So it makes me really wonder about my priorities…

I know that a career in dance is OUT OF THE QUESTION for me. I’m in my 30’s, a beginner still, and have the wrong body shape for a professional. A few months ago I was hoping (yeah, I was getting really ambitious here) that I could at least perform in the school’s dance concert sometime in the future. I just wanted to feel the rush of performing for an audience. I’d looked up so many amateur recitals on youtube that I figured, with lots of practice, dedication, and hard work it was totally doable for me.

Well, this past semester dashed those hopes. After I pulled my left thigh muscle just enough so that I couldn’t participate in class for a week by repeatedly attempting that move where you get down on the floor on one knee, and the teacher said that that wasn’t a good enough reason to sit out for class, I realized that while I may not feel my age, my body has its limits and I need to listen to my body. If being a performer means ignoring your body’s cues and disregarding consequences all for the love of the art, then I guess the only one I will ever be performing for is myself.

So that day, I told myself that while I would continue to take ballet, I would prioritize my schoolwork and get any notions of performing out of my head. I told myself that it would be the mature, responsible thing to do.

And here I am, just 2 months later, looking up what time ballet is offered before the classes I need to take. Wherever are my priorities?

But the problem is that dance has become such a big part of my life that I almost wish I could turn back the clock and be one of those 19-year-old beginners I take class with who still have the option to possibly dance for a living. I’ve never been the type to aim big. I don’t wish that I had started at age 3 so I could get in with a famous ballet company. Merely turning back the clock by a decade would suffice. Dancing with a small unknown company would be enough for me to feel as though I am living a dream. But alas, I have no time machine, so ballet remains a hobby and a dream.

And I will have to try really hard to keep that in mind.

3 thoughts on “Priorities, a Hobby, a Wish and a Dream

  1. Pingback: balletandorbust

  2. Sarah

    I’m 40 and really wish I could turn back the clock to be your age again, I’d have almost ten years of ballet experience by now and be able to have some sort of balance during centre instead of flailing wildly trying to stay upright! I expect there are 20 year olds who wish they’d started ballet at ten, and ten year olds wishing they’d started at 3. I read about a 92 year old lady recently who’d just started taking piano lessons! It’s never to late, and it’s too depressing to look back, and think what could have been, we just have to make the best of what we have now and be glad we discovered how great ballet is when we did 🙂

    1. kit Post author

      Thanks for the lovely comment 🙂 really puts everything in perspective, huh?
      In the end, in just grateful that I discovered ballet, actually went for it, and in the process found something I love that is a part of my everyday life.


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